I sleep like a log normally, and I rarely have dreams. Even if I have dreams they are mostly stupid stuff that make no sense, nothing of the sort of dreams they show in movies. And after I wake up, I hardly ever remember what I actually saw in my dream in spite of my best efforts. Unfortunately, for nightmares the situation is reverse.
I woke up this morning pretty late, because I had a dream, and strangely enough I remember what I saw in my dream. I remember watching a sunset on a beach, with my feet dug up deep in wet sand. Sadly that’s pretty much all I remember. I don’t remember whether the beach was serene or crowded. Whether I was holding somebody’s hand. I remember that the sunset was beautiful. I’ve never heard somebody describing a shabby sunset though.
I don’t know what the sunset meant or whether I’m even supposed to grasp some meaning out of it. I know my life has a sunset though, sadly. I can admit without any shame that I’m afraid of death. I’m probably more afraid of death than any other thing on this world. And someday I’ll be watching my sun sink below the horizon. I’ll probably be sobbing and I don’t want anybody to wipe my tears. Mainly because that will probably be the only sunset that will be demonic. And I want to watch the sunset that isn’t beautiful.
I’ll probably have people around my deathbed, watching a death and not a sunset. There will be people who’ll take me to the grave. But then they will probably be the ones who cared for me the most. Maybe I won’t be in a state to witness all of this happen, watching what I meant to people. But I’ll watch the unhappinest sunset of my life. And I’ll watch it alone without getting the chance to actually write a blog to describe it’s intricacies. I’ll watch it till the shadows extend beyond the beach to the bustling street, till the point where I can’t see my own shadow.
I’ll know then that dusk is here. And for ever.
I started getting ready for college. There’s a kid I needed to say hi to because she lent me an idea yesterday. And a yo’s.